


At The Dinner Table

by orphan_account



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Age Difference, Awkward Conversations, Dad Spy, Daddy Issues, F/M, M/M, One Shot, Scout - Freeform, Scout's Mother - Freeform, Scout/Spy - Freeform, Spy - Freeform, Spy/Scout - Freeform, Spy/Scout's Mother - Freeform, Team Fortress 2 - Freeform, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, tf2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:59:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7074082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>RED Spy wouldn't mind his son having a boyfriend, if said boyfriend wasn't French and old enough to be his father. BLU Spy only makes matters worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At The Dinner Table

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by all the "when she says 'pass the salt daddy' and you and her father both reach for the salt" memes. First fic I've written in ages, only been through one beta reader but I'm too eager to post it!

Awkward.

It was just so damn awkward.

It was a long weekend, which meant a temporary ceasefire and a chance for the men of RED and BLU to go away for their short break if they wished. BLU Scout always took an opportunity like this to visit his mother. RED Spy always took the chance to visit his lover. And she had been dying to meet her son's new boyfriend, who happened to be the spy working for BLU. And so here they were, sitting together for dinner like a dysfunctional family over steak and salad.

Scout sat across from his mother, chewing on his steak, uncharacteristically quiet for once as he glanced between everyone's faces. His partner and teammate was sitting to his left, munching on his salad like there was nothing wrong at all with this picture. His father, the enemy spy, was looking unimpressed and somewhat furious at his counterpart while his food remained untouched. And finally his mother, who seemed oblivious to the tension in the room was going on about how her other sons were doing among other small talk, until she noticed her lover hadn't eaten yet.

"Spy, is there something wrong with your steak? Did I overcook it?" she asked, even though the man hadn't even cut the meat to check yet.

"No, no, the steak is fine." he said, still staring at the other spy.

"Then eat it." BLU Spy finally spoke, making eye contact with the man across the table from him.

"Oh, go to hell." RED snarled at him.

"Spy!"

"Cassandra, does it not bother you at all that our son is in a relationship with a man old enough to be his father? For God's sake, the man might as well be my twin brother!"

"We're not brothers." BLU Spy said calmly. "I had our Medic run a test to see if we were related."

"When?"

"After I started dating Scout."

"So you were in a relationship with my son _before_ you knew you weren't related to him."

Silence for a minute, then the BLU Spy simply shrugged.

Even Scout was a little disturbed by that. It would've been awful to find out he'd been unknowingly fucking his uncle for the past several months. Still, he never once thought the spies could have been related. He used to think that maybe him and the other scout were somehow related from their similar appearance, but they turned out to be completely unrelated as well. It was a strange thing; both RED and BLU had mercenaries that were remarkably alike but had nothing to do with each other outside of work.

"What the hell does it matter, anyway?" Scout piped up. "So what if he's older than me? Age is just a number." he said, crossing his arms over his chest, fork still in hand.

"Scout, as I just said he's not only my age, but he looks and sounds exactly like me." RED Spy reminded him.

"How do you know? You ain't seen under his mask."

"Actually, I have. And he looks exactly like me."

"Well that don't matter to me anyway 'cause I haven't seen your actual face."

RED Spy's right eye twitched a little, and he resisted the need to reach up and massage the bridge of his nose as he felt a headache coming on.

"Look, enough already." Cassandra said, looking straight at RED Spy. "The other spy seems nice and as long as Scout's happy, isn't that what matters?"

RED Spy was quiet for a minute before he sighed, visibly relaxing a little. "I suppose so." he mumbled before finally beginning to eat.

"The boy just has a preference for older men." BLU Spy said, a small grin forming. "Older French men. Men like his father, who according to Scout was never around enough and never gave him the attention he needed. You know, they say that children who don't get enough attention from their fa--"

"Spy!!" Scout snapped now, his face turning red while his lover only chuckled at his reaction.

"Relax, cher, I am only teasing." he said.

"I do _not_ have freakin' daddy issues, that's fucking gross!" Scout denied with a scowl.

"Of course not."

And it was silent again. But Scout couldn't take it anymore. He had to speak, had to say something, anything to break the heavy awkward silence.

"Papa, could you pass the salt?"

Well, it was something. Better than sitting there in complete silence. He didn't even need the salt, all he had left on his plate was salad. But hell, he had no idea what else to say for once, no idea how to start a conversation that wouldn't end in awkward silence, bickering or a scolding from either of his parents.

Out of the corner of his eye, Scout saw his partner smirk a little, and he didn't realize why until a moment after.

Of course when he asked his 'papa' to pass the salt, he was referring to the spy on the other side of the table. And yet, both spies reached for the salt shaker, and stopped before either could reach it, both freezing with their arms outstretched.

RED Spy stared at the BLU almost in shock, and the BLU just kept smirking for a moment before taking the salt and offering it to Scout, who just glanced between them, mouth agape.

After a long, agonizing moment, RED Spy seemed to snap out of his stupor as he suddenly stood and stormed out of the dining room before he really lost his temper. Cassandra sighed and took his and her own plates before going into the kitchen. Scout looked at BLU Spy, more than pissed off, watching the man just cut into his steak like nothing had happened.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Scout hissed at him.

"Nothing, I just enjoy messing with him."

"Well now they both think I've got daddy issues!"

"You might not call me 'papa', but you definitely have daddy issues."

"Fuck you!" Scout snapped, getting up from the table next. Upon hearing the man chuckle, Scout added, "You're sleeping on the pullout couch tonight, spook."

That managed to wipe the grin off the BLU's face, and he turned to watch Scout run up the stairs, to his old room no doubt. He sighed a little and took out his disguise kit, removing a cigarette and lighting it before taking a drag. This was going to be a long, long weekend.


End file.
